This post is really hard for me to write- but here we go. I feel like I have the fitness portion down…but the food. Nope. I KNOW what I need to do. I know what I should stay from. I want to get off of these Diabetes medications, but I am having a ridiculously hard time DOING what needs to be done. Typing this out is helping, as I’m typing, I am making a plan for what to do. Because just talking about isn’t really going to do anything.
Once upon a time I had a full time office job. When I started that job, I had 2 children that were 2 and 1 month old at that time. When the “baby” who is now 12 was 2, I had my first jump into the weight loss pool and I was really successful. In about 6 months, I dropped about 50lbs and I was going to the gym every single day, I packed my breakfast, lunch +2 snacks a day and never looked back. I dropped all caffeine and soda and that was that. I thought it was so easy. And then I got pregnant with #3. When he was born, we decided that paying for 3 kids in daycare was going to be insane, so it would actually be cheaper if I stayed home and my last day in that office was the day before he was born. When he was about 8 months old, I jumped back into the weight loss game, but this time it was a million times harder! Being home and around food all day was really hard and it took everything in me to lose weight. When he was just over 2 years old, my world was turned upside down, shattered beyond belief and I was lost. My Dad was killed in a car accident and it literally took everything out of me to just get out of bed. It has been almost 7 years and I would say that in the last 2 years is when I really, truly healed from that trauma. Part of that healing- my 4th child. She was born 2 days before my Dad’s birthday and 5 days before his death anniversary. She is the bright spot in a month that used to bring nothing but pain and sorrow.
When I was newly pregnant with #4, I was also diagnosed as being a Type 2 Diabetic. I made it through the pregnancy without even really thinking about myself. I injected insulin 7+ times a day, stayed away from all carbs and much to everyone’s surprise, delivered a completely happy, healthy baby at almost 39 weeks weighing a mere 6lbs 11oz. Typically, Diabetics deliver really large babies. I had all intentions of keeping up that lifestyle after she was born, but if you have ever had a newborn, you know that it turns into a game of survival. At nearly 3 years old now, she STILL does not sleep all night long, so in the beginning, it was SO hard to do anything for me!
So that’s where I’m at now. I am sick of feeling like crap all day long. I love the feeling that happens right after a super sweaty workout, but then as the day goes on, I look for convenience foods and just eat whatever, whenever. And then it gets worse as the day goes on.
My gosh, if you are still reading- bless you. I’m going to have to go back to basics. Maybe if I pack my breakfast, lunch and a couple of snacks and just leave them in the fridge, it will help. If I’m having a particularly busy day, my food is already made. Meal planning and prepping is going to be paramount in my success.
Any tips? Advice? Tough Love?